Saturday, August 02, 2008

News headlines in 2030

By Walter Haan,

Isastine named best country to live in; former Israeli and Palestine peoples learn to live together in harmony after Israel declared by UN to be a terrorist state 20 years ago

Tibetans declared endangered species; the last 100 purebreds are in New Delhi Zoo

Dutch homeless as rising North Sea tops dikes; no other countries will take them

Americans in red states suffer economic collapse; Americans in Blue states say they deserve it

Yugo takes over GM; auto manufacturer's headquarters moved from Detroit to Belgrade

Ford Motors changes its name to Fjord Motors to reflect new Norwegian ownership

US imports grain and corn in record amounts since the collapse of American agriculture

Dick Clark wins special Emmy for hosting New Years Eve Gala on TV and for producing 80 years of quality programming

UN moves George W. Bush from Dutch prison as North Sea waters reach Utrecht; no other country will take him

Paris Hilton changes her name to Nicky Hilton to reflect her sex change operation

Comedian Joan Rivers convicted; heavy piece of her falling makeup kills child

Regis Philbin was replaced behind desk by lifesize puppet 10 years ago, reveals Kelli Ripa

Senator Hillary Clinton dies suddenly after one too many shots at Pittsburgh blue collar bar

Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky finally marry; Bill gives groomsmen cigars as wedding gifts

New York Governor Patterson impeached; says he didn't see that coming

Jenna Bush publishes 10th children's book, "What to do when daddy's in prison"

Prince Charles finally become British King; British crowds cheer, "Up Chuck, Up Chuck"

Al Gore seriously injured by wife Tipper's swinging long blonde hair at nature preserve

Belgium finally breaks up into two countries to reflect Flemish and French speaking peoples;
King of Belgium becomes new King of Phlegm

Iraq War Memorial unveiled in Washington, DC; shaped like an oil well tower with names of lost on large dipstick

John McCain's Presidential Museum design finally unveiled; designed to look like Hanoi Hilton prison

US cedes Florida to Cuba; the sound of millions of metal walkers in the hands of American elderly heading north fills air

--Copyright 2008 by Walter Haan,